11-20 ''Sheck it out!''

I did a gig this past Saturday at a Synagogue in Reisterstown. You read that correctly. Fellow comedian, Chip Franklin booked me for this show. Originally it was described to me as 'A private party of 35 Jewish couples.' I asked if it was a clean show and Chip said, ''I'm gonna say shit and fuck.'' The description of this event evolved over the course of the week. What it ended up being was a comedy show, in a synagogue, for about 150 or so conservative Jews with a median age around 60.

I was about as well received as if the Fuehrer himself had delivered my material.

Luckily, I had the foresight to bring other comics with me. I brought, and was outperformed by, Herbie Gill, Jared Stern and Sean Gabbert. I ended up doing 12 minutes. I had written out a setlist that would have been about 20 minutes, but ended up censoring myself to the tune of -8 minutes.

Many comics in my position would probably think they need more clean material. I don't. I need to be more discriminatory regarding the gigs that I take. I need to take gigs that suit me. I have no reason to prepare a set appropriate for television. I'm not trying to be on television. I am trying to work the local clubs and I am trying to be as funny as possible. I do need to write some new material. I'm bored with my jokes. However, when I sit down to write I only have one criterion: Is it funny? That's it. It can be a joke about Walmart or about my Great Aunt's vagina; as long as people laugh I'm satisfied.

Well, maybe, ''As long as people laugh'' isn't completely accurate.

I am about to recant everything I said about ''hacks'' two blogs ago. This weekend I saw the most egregious display of hackitude these eyes have ever had the misfortune of seeing. I cannot sit idly by without conveying my disgust for not just this comic, but the audience who loved it. I will not name names or locations, but below are some of the references made and years attached to some of those references in this comics 20 minute long closing bit:

-YMCA by the Village people 1978

-Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car
Billy Ocean1988
-Born in the USA by Springsteen 1984
-Middle eastern cab driver
-Calvin Klein photo shoot obvious reference to Brooke Shields 1980 ad campaign
-Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? By Culture Club 1982
-Boy George impersonation where he looks like this:

Of course that is what he looked like 20 years ago, if you wanted to do a current impersonation you'd have to look like this:

-Loverboy by Billy Ocean 1984
-Macho Man by the Village people 1978
-Chanel no.5 (where to start? Introduced in May of 1921, Endorsed by Marilyn Monroe in the 1950's, Andy Warhol's silk screen of the perfume created in 1959, etc)
-7-11/middle east reference
-Several jokes at the expense of gays and lesbians
-Tina Turner impersonation complete with a 'What's Love Got to do with it?' (1984) lip-sync.
-The Real Slim Shady by Eminem (2000)

I'm leaving out a ton.

At the end...standing ovation. Not kidding.

Since only comics read this blog you know how disheartening this is. I see this and hear this and feel like if I don't gouge my eyes and eardrums out I am doing a disservice to my fellow comics and my craft. Is this really what the audience wants? Maybe, but I'll work hard to make sure they don't get it from me.

Why do Justin Schlegel and Danny Rouhier link to Seaton Smith's blog? It hasn't been updated in almost a year. For some reason I keep clicking on it to see what Seaton has to say. Apparently nothing since April 22nd.

My oldest son learned the 'F-word' this weekend. He has been obsessed with it ever since seeing the movie ''A Christmas Story'' where Ralphie explains that he said the ''F,dash, dash, dash word, the granddaddy of them all.''

He's 9, so I'm pretty proud of myself for not letting it slip since I have been known to use it a time or two. Usually preceded by ''Shut the'' and followed by ''up''. I'm not going to say where he learned it, but I will say that it is more my wife's fault than mine.

Phew. Just trying to stay out of trouble.